Lost in showbizJoss StoneWhy Joss Stone is the perfect Anne of Cleves
It seems incredible, but apparently there are people out there who openly doubt the polymath capacities of rock and pop stars, who believe that the ability to make successful albums does not automatically indicate a mastery of the arts in their entirety. Lost in Showbiz advises you to pay them no heed, and instead look at the incontrovertible facts. Fact: the greatest novel in the English language is Iron Maiden frontman Bruce Dickinson's searing roman à clef The Adventures Of Lord Iffy Boatrace (the greatest novel in the German language is the translation of Dickinson's searing roman à clef, Lord Iffy Und Die Sex-Maschine). Fact: the world of literature has never recovered from Robbie Williams's decision not to publish a book of verse that, on the evidence of the solitary extract released to the public -- "I'm on the telly, so people think I don't have feelings/ I do" -- might have finally forced the Pulitzer prize committee to award the first special dispensation for poetry since 1919.
Fresh from organising an angry demonstration outside the office of Steven Deuchar, director of Tate Britain, to demand that he relaxes the Turner prize's ridiculous "artists must be under 50" rule so that Ronnie Wood can take on all-comers with his acrylic
and pastel masterpiece Keith Richards In Repose, Lost in Showbiz was delighted to learn of the good sense displayed by those casting TV drama The Tudors. In searching for an actor to play Anne of Cleves in the forthcoming third series, they have alighted upon an answer that it's hard not to feel was staring them in the face all along: Joss Stone. It's not just the Devonian soulstress's acting credentials that qualify her for the role, although surely no one who saw it will ever forget her masterful performance at the 2007 Brits, in which she played the role of a black American ("big love to Robbie Williams fo' what he goin' through"). And it's not just her eerie physical resemblance, although it's famously impossible to stand before Holbein's betrothal portrait of The Flanders Mare without absent-mindedly humming Super Duper Love (Are You Diggin' Me?). It's the oft-remarked upon way that the spirit of the Tudor Age has permeated everything that Stone has done. Who hasn't seen her Cadbury's Flake commercial and thought, "I can't put my finger on what exactly, but something about that girl makes me think of the 16th-century ducal courts of Dusseldorf, home of Anne of Cleves?"
It's a path you can only hope The Tudors continues down. There are plenty more figures from Henry VIII's life to cast and plenty more homegrown soul talent who'd fit like a glove. Is it just Lost in Showbiz or does the role of Henry Howard, Earl of Surrey, have Craig David's name written all over it?
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